Ace of Cupcakes

Ace of Cupcakes

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Send my Quidditch team to World Cup!

cupcakemichi:

This is my team! We’re flying to the east  coast this weekend, and we could super super use your help. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase? <3 There’s some cool perks, including a map designed by yours truly, and you can get your own hogwarts letter!

Hi everyone! This is my team. If you have the cash to spare, please help us out? If not, sharing is useful, too! Thank you!!!

Filed under shameless plugs

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Anonymous asked: What does panaesthetic mean?

bare-bone basics as I procrastinate: 

"Aesthetic attraction to all genders/regardless of gender"

or

"I find all people pretty"

slightly more complicated: my experiences seem to sorta kinda line up with the way a straight woman would talk about a man that she is not sexually or romantically attracted to, but is aesthetically attracted to, but not the way she talks about a woman she likes the look of

or

I should just remove it from my descriptors because who the fuck knows and I don’t actually care enough to continue using it in my extended label set

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Anonymous asked: hey, I'm a panromantic lithsexual, and I wanted to tell you I am very uncomfortable with you reclaiming the slur "queer". The way I see it, if someone would look at a relationship you were in and would call you the slur, you can reclaim the word. If you feel that scenario applies to you, then please excuse me. I'm not going to stop you from using it, I just wanted to tell you, as someone who has been physically attacked and called this word, I am uncomfortable with your use of it.

Hello, I assume you have read my reasoning for using the term here? Within your definition, don’t know how to define my ideal relationship, so I doubt others do. Would you call it queer? I don’t know.

Other than that, I have two main problems with your definition:

1) It erases bisexual people in monogamous relationships with a person of a different gender.

2) It erases trans and non-binary people whose queer identity is not reliant on their relationships.

I am glad that you reached out to me with your definition - there’s so much difference in the GSRM community on terminology and who can use what, so I’m always glad to hear it.

And one last note, on terms in general, I prefer “GSRM” terminology, meaning Gender, Sexual, and Romantic Minorities*, but still use the “queer” identifier for ease-of-understanding. Even within the ace-aro community, there is lots of debate on whether we, as a group, identify as queer, and I find GSRM a good term to step around that debate without stepping on toes, excluding anyone, or jumping into a pot of alphabet soup. I have not, however, updated my side-links to reflect this yet, and really really need to do that.

*There’s a lot of debate on this term, too, and I admit it’s not perfect.

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dearnonacepeople:

I wanna make an asexual resources masterpost with a bunch of blogs that are devoted to ace awareness education and humor.

Reblog this if you’d find this at all helpful or want to be on this list and ill contact you with further info if there’s enough interest.

(via dearnonacepeople)

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moon-apple asked: i just read your post about the ace and aro spectrum, vv interesting & informative. there's so many intricate, beautiful layers to human interaction - not often you're asked of your romantic orientation! thank you for broadening my understanding of my own relationships, off to follow your other blog too ;)

There have been all the other asks like this that I published +1 that I responded to privately because I wasn’t sure if the sender was okay with publishing. 

I’m so glad you found my post helpful! has been my response to all of them, and I’m basically all like *internal screaming* *blushing* and *hope these aren’t trolls* and *no i won’t believe it!*

And fair warning on my other blog - it’s nothing like this and I 99% of the time fail to tag anything. So yeah. 

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veeremix asked: I just read your post on sexual orientation and thank you sooo much for breaking things down. I've never been fond of labeling myself, I like what I like right?, butthis makes things a lot easier to understand. :)

Ahhh I’m so glad it was helpful!

And yeah, that’s basically the way I feel about labels, too. I like them because they make it easier for me to understand myself and connect with similar people. Which is why they’re so necessary! 

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itsgayerinenochian asked: Hi! I'm writing something, and I'd like to know.. is there a 'term' for someone who doesn't experience romantic OR sexual attraction, except on very very rare occasions? Like gray-asexual or gray-aromantic, but a mix, I guess?

gramosexual?

(In other words, not that I know of, other than “gray-asexual and gray-aromantic”)

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Anonymous asked: I recently started to identify as ace and by now am pretty certain that I am aro, too. I'm okay with being ace. But being aro makes me kind of really uncomfortable. I mean I know that I am but I don't like that I am and that makes me really upset sometimes. Did you ever experience something like this?

The first time I realized I was probably aro I had a giant-ass panic attack in the laundry room of my freshman dorm.

So yeah, you could say I experience something like that.

(I still get panic attacks if my brain is particularly hating me on a day I think about it for too long. Knowing what amatonormativity is and being able to recognize it helps a bit, but it a) just makes me angry and b) can lead to me both being really angry AND having a panic attack, which just isn’t fun and c) really doesn’t actually help that much, but at least I can talk about it)

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Anonymous asked: Hi. Is it ok if ask you for help? If not I am sorry and please delete this. I recently realized I am aromantic. I don't want to use words with the suffix phobic to describe intolerance and bigotry towards aromantics. What is another word for that?

Asking is 100% A-OK and 9001x encouraged. I never get enough asks, and my inbox gets lonely. :(

I use the word “amatonormativity” to describe the attitude/belief that every person is looking for a partner and wishes to be in a relationship. So not hate or bigotry per se - but the attitude that creates that. Here’s a cool link or two or three.

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nextstepcake:

bessibels:

metapianycist:

caveatsomniator:

Is (a)sexual a good resource orrr

It depends on what you want to learn. It shows a lot of examples of anti-ace things asexuals are up against, like Dan Savage, common anti-ace attitudes people have, and medical professionals thinking asexuality is inherently disordered.

I think there are a lot of much better resources out there, though. I just went to an ace meet-up today where we watched the documentary and discussed the possibility of organizing a public screening, and we reached the conclusion that it wasn’t worth it — that there are too many problems with it. It presents harmful reactions to asexuality without really addressing how or why they’re harmful, and it presents the views of people like Dan Savage in a pretty uncritical way. It also doesn’t provide very much actual information, and what it does have is presented incoherently and sloppily. You have to be already familiar with the community to get much out of it. Its value lies chiefly in the personal stories of actual aces — and you can find those all over the internet, with less of the proverbial bathwater.

tl;dr: Having just seen it, I think it has very little value as a beginners’ resource, given the plethora of better resources that are available.

My thoughts on (a)sexaul: by itself, it’s not a good educational resource; it’s an interesting and perhaps moving story of the experiences of some individual asexuals, which holds people’s attention well; but it’s not made to be educational so it doesn’t actually tell you much about asexuality in general.

I do see it as useful for vis/ed though in two main ways:

1. It shows up on mainstream video streaming places like netflix, which leads many people who would never otherwise learn about asexuality to stumble upon it, watch it, and then go look up better resources

2. While I wouldn’t use it alone, It definitely holds people’s attention better than say, a powerpoint presentation, and you can counter the lack of education by combining it with something else - for example, I did an event where we had a screening followed by a Q&A/discussion period with David Jay (which was also joined somewhat by me and a couple other local aces who came to see it), where we discussed what was problematic about some of those opinions and what exactly asexuality is and all that stuff the film neglects. Having a movie is a draw that will bring in people who otherwise wouldn’t come, so I still find it a useful starting point.

tl;dr: it’s not very education in and of itself, but it is interesting and will draw in lots of people who otherwise would not seek out any resources, and you can send them to more informative resources afterwards.

I was there for that!

I say meh on the movie, tbh. 

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relapsingtrainwreck asked: Hi there! Just dropped in to say I found your blog and I was sooo happy to finally find someone who identifies with everything I do! Aro, ace, panaesthetic and pansensual!! It's so hard to find people who understand, I have to explain it all the time that I find people totally attractive and don't mind kissing or anything but that's it! And no one gets it. Ever. So just saying I'm glad there's others out there too!

So this is like EXACTLY how I felt when I discovered these labels exist. I’m super glad you found my blog helpful!

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Anonymous asked: I would just like to say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I just found your blog whilst i was trying to figure out what the differences between aesthetic/sensual/romantic attraction were, and you definitely answered that for me and I am no longer [as] confused!! so THANK YOU so much!!!!!!!! (idk if youre excited but im hella excited right now that i finally found some useful information and i cannot even stop smiling AHHH thank you for helping me and existing and having this blog!!!)

ahhh! ahhhhhh! I’m so excited you’re excited! I’m not kidding y’all, I LIVE for asks like this. I am so so glad you found my blog useful! And I’m sorry I suck at tagging things, so you can’t find stuff super easy and have to scroll. But ahhh I’m so glad my blog was useful! And I’m sorry I haven’t been super active like at all lately. :(

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thepunkestrockprinceofontario asked: hopefully you're online! my name is danieland i'm presenting a workshop on asexuality and the related spectrum in a few hours, and i was just wondering, as an asexual person, what are some important points you feel would be relevent to add? i'm presenting to my queer youth group, and because i am not asexual myself, i want to be sure i give clear and equal representation

The most important thing is to make it abundantly clear that ace spectrum people are, in fact, people. That we are not repressed, broken, or prude. We’re not a freak show, asexual people are not fish to watch in a tank. That asexuality is a legitimate sexuality, as much as gay, straight, bi and pan are.

That’s my opinion, anyway. Other asexual spectrum people may disagree, but that’s what I feel is the most important.

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dearnonacepeople:

piercethepower:

I think there are def people who don’t feel the desire to have sex/sexual relationships with people or even romantic attachments with people, but I think it’s dumb that its considered a sexuality and that it’s expected to be taken as “Seriously” as gay/lesbian/ect

I don’t see you getting beaten and murdered for not wanting sex. And it seems the biggest issue is that people don’t believe you, but like, so what. Are they going to force you to have sex? Disown you because you don’t have sex? I doubt it.

TBH most of it just seems like a typical tumblr “haha here’s a label 4 me im so different wow look at me im so cool and unique and misunderstood praise me” kinda thing.

And of course this can be applied to demisexuality too. Like you need a label because you’re normal? lol. It just seems like a way to make yourself feel elite to people who don’t need emotional connections to fuck, tbh.

Repeat after me

"Your sexuality deserves to be taken seriously where or not your oppressed"

I’d really like to see someone go up to a straight person ask their sexuality and then tell them you don’t take them seriously because they aren’t oppressed.

-Ezzy

Just gonna take a moment here…

I HAVE NOT COME OUT TO MY FAMILY AS ASEXUAL AND AROMANTICISH BECAUSE I AM SCARED OF THEIR REACTION.

I AM SCARED IF I TELL THEM “HEY I’M NOT GOING TO HAVE KIDS, OR MARRY, AND I PLAN TO REMAIN CELIBATE BECAUSE SEX MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE AND I DO NOT FEEL SEXUAL OR ROMANTIC ATTRACTION” THEY WILL DISOWN ME.

MY FAMILY IS A VERY CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN FAMILY. I GREW UP HEARING “QUEER” AS A SLUR. MY GRANDMA (who raised me) STOPPED WATCHING THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW BECAUSE SHE’S A LESBIAN AND HAS SHORT HAIR AND WEARS PANTS. WHEN I TOLD HER THAT NEIL PATRICK HARRIS WAS GAY, SHE TOLD ME I RUINED HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER FOR HER. I HAVE BEEN TOLD, TIME AND TIME AGAIN, THAT SHE EXPECTS GREAT-GRANDKIDS. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I WILL FIND A GOOD MAN. ANY EXPRESSION OF NON-HETERONORMATIVE SEXUALITY WAS FORBIDDEN IN MY HOUSE.

I RELY ON THEM TO MAKE ENDS MEET. I AM NOT 100% FINANCIALLY STABLE. I WILL COME OUT, BUT WHEN I CAN SUPPORT MYSELF.

NOT TO MENTION THAT CORRECTIVE RAPE OF ASEXUALS IS A THING.

SO TAKE YOUR ASSUMPTIONS AND GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH A BARBED SPIKE.

Filed under rants ace hate rape mention corrective rape mention

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Anonymous asked: Thank you very much for your insights into Asexuality/Aromantic-ness (?). It was very helpful for someone like me who has recently discovered the label of her "sexuality". Thank you.

of course!

And thank you for telling me. It’s seriously stuff like this that makes me keep this blog. :)